Help, a Belly Dancer is Stalking Me!

Although technically, I stalked her first. (Actually, “stalking” isn’t even the right term. I just took her picture, posted it online, and told the world that she wanted me). You might be wondering why I would do such a thing. The reason is simple, my friends:  clearly, she did want me. The proof is below. Tell me those aren’t seductive bedroom eyes she’s flashing in my direction.

It isn’t every day that a pretty and scantily-clad woman so blatantly comes onto you, so I might have been a little bit excited at the time. Keep in mind, this happened in August of 2011, before Tara and I started dating. My love life at the time was nonexistent, so a hot belly dancer eyeing me was big news. I posted pics on Facebook. I blogged about it here. And then, I promptly forgot all about the exotic dancer with the come-hither look because I fell in love, for real.

Imagine my utter surprise (and embarrassment), then, when this very belly dancer stumbled upon my blog the other day. She left the following comment on my post.

Hello Mark…it’s me, the bellydancer on the right. (And while you might think I am kidding, no I am not. This fateful encounter is due to the magic of Google searches).My sincerest thanks for enjoying our performance and the come-hither look. People usually think Chelsea is the cutest one in the group, but I’m glad you think otherwise.

I was, indeed, “completely entranced by your male magnetism” and I don’t routinely smile seductively at every camera that’s pointed in my direction during performances. Yours was special. So special, I’ve blocked out the memory.

I’m sorry to have missed you and your S.O. at this year’s Alberta Street Fair. (I was on vacation). But I look forward to giving you bedroom eyes at Alberta Street Fair 2013.

See you there, Melissa.

My first reaction upon reading Melissa’s comment?

Oh, shit! Because it was a tad embarrassing, this ancient (in blogging terms) post of mine. Not only did I gush over her, I talked about what we might name our children. Oopsie. However, being a typical male, any initial misgivings over my words were followed in quick succession by the ego-boosting idea that I wasn’t imagining things – she really does want me!

I suppose there’s a slight possibility that her response is actually sarcastic.

Still, I fretted over how to break the news to Tara, searching for the perfect words to convey to my sweetheart the depths of my love for her while declaring that, oh by the way, there’s this belly dancer who totally wants me.

Turns out, there was nothing to worry about. Tara knew all about Melissa (how cool to have a name to go along with the rest of her!), probably because I bragged to the world mentioned her previously. I did, in fact, look for her at this year’s Alberta Street Fair, but had to settle for a reindeer sausage instead. My girlfriend was surprisingly open-minded over the fact that another woman has a burning desire for me coursing through her loins at every waking moment.

Either that or she believes Melissa’s comment actually was nothing but sarcasm. Perish the thought.

In any case, Tara has nothing to fear, because I am madly in love with her. If there are to be any future babies, they’d be ours. (Calm down…I’m just making a point). Maybe if Melissa had discovered my post fourteen months ago we’d have ended up together, but alas, it’s too late now. I will continue to admire her performances with the Gypsy Heart Tribal and look forward to meeting her in person next year (because “hi, nice to meet you, I’m the guy who lusted after you on my blog” won’t be the least bit awkward), but that’s as far as it can go. I’m sorry, Melissa. You’ll just have to focus on playing your finger cymbals and swaying your hips and putting me, your lost love, out of your mind. As best you can, of course.

It’ll take time, but eventually, broken hearts heal.

Can’t wait to see you next summer!

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30 thoughts on “Help, a Belly Dancer is Stalking Me!

      1. So true Mark, and I heard that a little more of a “belly” is a more sensual and erotic while belly dancing….which combined with the eyes, well…. you know.

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    1. She probably has more abs than you’d imagine. The beauty of belly dancing is that any woman, despite size and age, can learn how to do it and you don’t have to be stick thin to look absolutely stunning. How awesome is that? ;)

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  1. I’m not surprised Tara isn’t afraid of losing you to a beautiful belly dancer, even if her loins are gyrating with passion for you.

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  2. That’s awesome, Mark! This is the first time I ever heard that a blogger posted about someone they saw, and then the someone landed ON the the blog!

    And I’m not at all surprised Tara took it so well. She’s confident in herself AND your love!

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  3. Hello again Mark!
    I’m glad that Tara took the news well. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was less accommodating (in his words, “I understand that he got pictures of the best girl out there but back off buddy!”), and I fear we will have to limit our relationship to bedroom-eyes-at-a-distance. I will practice my look for August 2013, and I fully expect you to come up and say “hi, nice to meet you, I’m the guy who lusted after you on my blog” so we can share our star-crossed, if awkward, moment – before our respective partners drag us apart.
    Melissa
    P.S. The whole troupe loves your blog post. You are only writing down what so many other audience members are thinking.

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    1. Hi, Melissa! I was hoping you’d drop by again. Glad to hear I am entertaining the entire belly dancing troupe. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d ever be able to utter a sentence like that one.

      Thanks for having a great sense of humor! You can reassure your boyfriend that bedroom-eyes-from-a-distance is at far as it will go. Unless, of course, I ever decide to take finger cymbal lessons. You are the first person I’m calling then! Tell the girls I said hi and thank them for reading. :)

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    2. Hi Melissa,

      Uh-oh…I don’t see Gypsy Heart Tribal listed on this year’s Alberta Street Fair lineup. Say it ain’t so! I’m hoping this is just a grievous oversight on the part of the Internet, rather than the Universe squashing our long-awaited star-crossed moment. Will you and the rest of the troupe be there?

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