Tag Archives: freelance writing

Flutter By, Butterfly

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Earlier this week, I had a job interview.

I didn’t write about it before, because I am leery of jinxing myself. I wrote all about Groupon and that fell through, and then dished about my interview with my ex’s company. I prefer to keep these things on the down low now, just on the off chance that it is possible to control the universe through my words. Kind of like a Butterfly Effect, but instead of an insect causing chaos it’s a blog…I guess you’d call it a Bloggingfly Effect? But a couple of days have passed, and whatever is going to happen will happen. I would like to at least mention it because the blog is a reflection of my life, and when I’m old and decrepit I’d like to be able to flip through the pages of this virtual journal and remember what was going on way back when.

They say a butterfly flapping its wings can lead to a hurricane. Similarly, a blogger flapping his gums can lead to a lost opportunity. (Courtesy of duhokwriters.com)

The interview took place downtown, and as soon as I walked into the building, I was blown away. It’s a rather nondescript looking two-story white office building on the outside, but inside, it’s all artsy and funky. Lots of glass and wood, framed paintings, and natural light. There are offices along the walls, a reception desk in the middle, and an upstairs loft with a few more offices, including the President and CEO (whom I interviewed with). It’s all very cool and urban and hip. Cubicles? They don’t need no stinkin’ cubicles! So right off the bat, it earned brownie points with me.

As for the interview itself, I think it went very well. The P/CEO told me she’d looked over my online portfolio and was impressed with my work. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: those three days spent in November putting together the site were the best use of my time since I’ve been unemployed. Any writer, published or not, should have a portfolio to display his or her clips – it really does open doors. We chatted about my duties at my last job, freelance writing, and this position. While there are one or two qualifications missing from my work history, I’m hoping that they are minor ones. I asked her what skills her ideal candidate possesses, and she said – in order – writing and creativity. Definitely my strengths, and to prove the point, I came up with a marketing idea for her on the fly – a way to promote our local wineries – that she liked a lot. I wanted to show her I was an idea man, and I think that was a good move on my part. As the interview was wrapping up, I thanked her, shook her hand, and told her that I want the job. I read someplace that surprisingly few candidates ever come right out and say that during an interview, and I wanted to emphasize how much I really do want it. (I do…it would be perfect). But, of course, I’m sure the other candidates in the running all have their strengths and talents, as well. I am confident that I gave it my all, and certainly didn’t give her any reason not to hire me, as I have in the past (more on that in a second). She asked me for references as we were parting, and I forwarded those to her promptly, once I got home. That’s always a good sign. Doesn’t mean I’m a shoo-in, but if she wasn’t interested in me as a serious candidate, she wouldn’t ask. So now I’ll just wait with bated breath and see if anything comes of this.

The truth is, I’m in a tight spot. Money (or lack of) has become a real issue. On top of that, my initial unemployment claim is about to run out – next week, I believe. I know there are extensions available but that’ll probably entail more paperwork and who knows what else. I want to be a freelance writer, more than anything else (and the P/CEO asked me why I don’t continue pursuing that since it’s such an ideal lifestyle), but lack of a steady gig and no benefits are making it tough to stay the course. I’m considering some desperate options like withdrawing funds from my 401K that are last resort measures, but what choice do I have? I’ve got bills to pay and not enough $ to pay them. You know things are bad when my daydreams and fantasies all involve currency. Seriously, I’ve been thinking about money a lot lately. Drooling over it when I see it. How novel the idea of a paycheck feels to me now! I could actually pay my bills, on time, and maybe even have a little bit left over. That’s such a foreign concept to me now. It sounds wonderful. Funny, the things we take for granted in life.

Don’t it always seem to go/That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. 

Truer words were never spoken.

Twice upon a time, I completely blew any chance of landing a job before I’d even walked out the door. The first time, MapQuest led me astray. The company was located in a town I was unfamiliar with, and the directions I’d gotten online showed the building on the complete opposite side of the freeway from where it really was. I drove all over town looking for the place, and had to call and tell them I was lost. I finally found the place and got there fifteen minutes late for my scheduled interview. They then made me sit in the lobby another fifteen minutes before seeing me. That was a big group interview, and no amount of profuse apologizing on my part could soothe their bad tempers. There’s no worse feeling than knowing something is a lost cause but being forced to soldier on through it anyway.

The second time, I’d actually done pretty well in the interview. She and I clicked, and things seemed to be moving in a positive direction. She had told me that the company was growing, and they’d soon be transferring a bunch of jobs to their new Connecticut location. As she was walking me to the door, past the employees in her department, she asked if I had any additional questions. “Yes,” I replied. “When are you moving the accounting operation back east?” Her face darkened immediately, and she said in a fierce whisper, “My staff hasn’t been told about that yet!!” as heads swiveled in our direction from cubicleland.

Ooooooooooops……….

Which I think was very unfair. She never informed me that the information was confidential or that her employees hadn’t been notified yet. Why would she drop such a big secret on an unsuspecting stranger? I’m sorry if I unwittingly informed a bunch of people they were about to get canned! Sheesh. It was an honest mistake. I apologized like mad, but again, knew I’d dug a hole too deep to escape from. My last-minute, completely innocent question cost me another good job.

So, the fact that I walked out of Wednesday’s interview (which I had arrived a few minutes early for) without putting my foot in my mouth was definitely a positive step. I may not end up with the job, but if I don’t, it won’t be because of anything I said.

This time.

Punters Punt, Divers Dive, & Writers Write

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If you’re going to call yourself a writer, there’s just a single prerequisite – one thing, and one thing only, that you must do.

Write.

Seems pretty basic, doesn’t it? If you’re a punter on an NFL team, you’ll be lacing up your shoes following every possession and punting the ball. Your job description is right there in your title. If you’re a diver, you aren’t going to sit around reading books about coral reefs – you’re going to slip into a wetsuit and literally take the plunge. The same is true of butchers and bakers and candlestick makers.

Yet, for some reason, in recent weeks I had strayed from my self-anointed path.

I found myself reading a lot of books on freelance writing. And completing profiles on freelance sites like oDesk. Planning story ideas in my head. I was busy doing everything but the one thing I should have been doing all along: writing.

I’m not even sure how I fell into this trap of suddenly and persistently not writing. For a couple of months, my days were spent hunched over the computer, knocking out articles for my clients. And then I grew bored with the SEO assignments and broke up with a client, and the Groupon gig fell through. I sort of completely lost the will to write after that. Why should I bother? I thought. Either way, I’m getting paid the same amount every week. It’s easy to justify your laziness that way, because it’s true. I get paid $xxx.xx amount every week from the state of Washington. If I’ve earned income from self-employment that week, it’s deducted from my unemployment earnings, so it’s not like I gain anything from busting my butt on a daily basis.

I’ve realized, though, that while I may not have been gaining anything financially, I had definitely lost something: my passion. And that is inexcusable.

Why am I a writer? Because it’s what I love to do, plain and simple. It’s not the idea or the dream that I love, either – it’s the very process of creating. It doesn’t matter that I’m not a published novelist yet or earning $50K a year. I still rely on unemployment to get by…so what? The truth is, not writing is like stepping into a void. It leaves me feeling empty and without purpose. I don’t like that feeling.

Star Wars

Write, you should. (Courtesy of starwars.wikia.com).

You’ve probably heard of “the writer’s high.” I can tell you that isn’t just a nifty-sounding phrase, but a very real phenomenon. When I am writing, I feel a sense of euphoria wash over me. I am connected to the words on the screen, and can practically feel the creativity pumping in my blood and pulsing through my veins. It feels good, and like any junkie I crave more. More, more, more. I imagine it’s exactly how a punter feels when he’s squaring off against the ball in a packed stadium full of cheering and jeering fans, and how a diver feels while descending through the depths of Davy Jones’ locker. Alive. In their element. Full of purpose.

It’s very easy to be lazy. All you’ve got to do is nothing. And, I’ve learned, that’s contagious. If you’ve done nothing yesterday, you’ll feel like doing nothing today, and when tomorrow rolls around guess what you’ll be doing?

Doing something is a lot harder. That actually takes effort. But if it’s something you’re passionate about, not so much.

Sheesh, I feel like Yoda. Next I’ll be spouting off lines like, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Or designing motivational posters for office walls. The important thing is, I had an epiphany this week. I remembered that I’m a writer. And I began to write again.

If you’re a writer, I’ve come up with a few tips that will hopefully lead to success. These are things I’m tryi…err, doing (sorry, Yoda!) now.

  • Don’t bother with freelance outsource bidding sites. There are plenty of them out there – oDesk and elance.com are a couple of the better-known ones – but they are not worth your time. If you don’t believe me, read this. Basically you’ll find yourself competing against others for slave wages. Personally, I felt like I was part of a herd of cattle at an auction where each animal goes to the lowest bidder. Hey, I fired my first client because they were “only” paying me $12 per article – and then found myself competing for jobs promising $4 an article. Yes, I was temporarily insane.
  • “Content mills” aren’t necessarily evil. Though they often get a bad rap, so-called content mills – websites that pay freelancers to churn out articles that help the site rank highly on search engines – can be a good source of income, and provide steady work. Take Demand Studios, for instance (best known for eHow.com). I have been writing for them since January, and my experience has been nothing but positive. Here’s why: I choose which topics to write about from a continuously evolving queue (this morning there were 66,230 articles to choose from); each article pays a minimum of $15, and the format and structure enable a good writer to easily pen two or three an hour. I don’t know about you, but I’d call $45/hour pretty decent! Even doing one article an hour isn’t bad. Payments are made directly to your PayPal account twice a week, and you get your own byline. Plus, they don’t hire anybody off the street – you have to apply and write several sample articles that pass muster with their copy editors. I know people who have been rejected. It may not be the most glamorous writing you’ll ever do, but it’s a great way to hone your skills, build your portfolio, and leverage yourself to take it to the next level.
  • Aim for the stars. While it’s important to have a reliable source of income, $15 an article is still $15 article. If you’re going to be successful, you have to set your sights high and take a few risks. Last week I pitched a story idea to Portland Monthly, a regional magazine with a loyal subscriber base. If they accept the assignment, I’ll write about an unemployed single Oregon mother following her dream and starting her own business in the midst of a down economy. This person just happens to be my friend and sometime-client Chris from Portland Book Review. This would be great publicity for her, and freelance assignments with magazines are where the money – and glory – are. I plan to query some national publications next. A few clips in magazines can open a lot of doors that would be otherwise closed.
  • Don’t forget your blog! Blogging is the perfect creative outlet – you can write about tortilla chips that look like states or why you should avoid eating at Mexican restaurants with sombreros on the wall or whatever your heart desires. Sometimes you can even write about writing – how existential is that? Plus, it keeps your skills fresh and your brain from turning to mush. A few blogs even become ultra-popular and lead to fame and riches. Or so I’ve heard. Plus, it’s free publicity, and if done well can be an excellent showcase for your writing. Just don’t denigrate corporate America and scare off any potential employers!

There you have it – a few writing tips from a guy who isn’t yet a huge success, but has at least remembered who he is and what he does and is once again doing it.

Write on!

 

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Champagne Wishes on a Sparkling Water Budget

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With my finances suddenly dwindling, I’ve found myself cutting more corners lately. Gone are the extravagant weekly steak and lobster dinners. I no longer take the Maserati through the car wash, I scrub it with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge myself. Worst of all, I had to fire the maid (although really, she wasn’t doing that great a job – I caught her parked on the sofa watching “Days Of Our Lives” instead of washing the windows one day last week, and the writing has pretty much been on the wall since).

French maid

I had to let her go. Her dusting skills left much to be desired. (Courtesy of ideagrove.com).

And then you woke up, as a friend used to chide me whenever I’d veer off into Fairytaleland.

OK, fine, I don’t have those types of extravagances in my life. But I would if I could. I’ve always had expensive tastes and longed for the finer things in life. I like stuff. Mostly electronic or cutting-edge. It’s why I bought a DVD player when they first came out. Shelled out $500 for it, too. I cringe whenever I think about that now, but hey, at least I was the first person on my block to have one! I guess I was what you’d call an “early adopter” back then. I was also married, and there’s a lot to be said for two incomes. Not to mention high-paying jobs with nice bonus checks twice a year. My, how times have changed.

And in truth, I’ve changed, too. I joke around and say I’ve got champagne wishes and a sparkling water budget, but really…I don’t. When people ask me what my dream car is, I say a 1972 Volkswagen Bus. Which means either I’m a hippie at heart, or I’ve turned into Lester Burnham, and if the latter is the case, better lock up your daughters, I suppose. Seriously, even if I had money to spend, I wouldn’t bother with a fancy sports car or a Rolex or any of the other trappings of the rich and famous. Except the maid. She’d be a worthwhile investment. I like to think that I’ve mellowed with age and gotten more in touch with my blue-collar side.

Which is why I find myself making frequent trips to Value Village (a poor man’s Goodwill, if such a thing exists) and Grocery Outlet. I’ve been a connoisseur of garage sales for years, and no longer think twice about buying somebody else’s hand-me-downs. Half my townhouse is furnished with used goods. I had always drawn the line at clothes, however. There was something, umm, icky – for lack of a better word (and because “repulsive” sounds too crass) – about buying, and wearing, clothing that somebody else had worn previously. The last thing in the world I want is to wear a shirt that some fat guy sweated in. So imagine my surprise earlier today when my feet apparently developed a mind of their own and shuffled over to the clothing section of Value Village. I don’t know what possessed me to make my way over there, but suddenly I found myself browsing the racks and actually finding things I liked and wanted to wear. It didn’t matter that another human had once worn them and did god-knows-what in them, the $2.99 price tag on that green flannel shirt was too damn good to resist, so I quit trying and bought it.

I think this was a breakthrough moment in my life. Now that I have crossed a line I never imagined I would, the sky’s the limit, I suppose. I foresee frequent future forays for flannel and other fashions, friends. There’s no going back. I shall peruse the used clothing aisles on every trip henceforth.

I still draw the line at underwear, though. {Shudder}.

I probably wouldn’t bother with used clothes if I were still gainfully employed, so in some perverse way I’m glad I’m not raking in the dough. Humbleness is a good lesson to learn. I feel more in touch with the common man. Err…because I am the common man…anyway. You get the point.

I have a few things simmering on the burner freelance-wise. I sure hope they come to fruition, because I’ve reached the stage where I could definitely use some money. I am still working through the application process with Groupon; I’ve gotten good feedback on my write-ups but they decided to give me a fourth sample article, which is due tomorrow, to ensure that I continue to display their “voice” and style in my writing. I have to say the whole thing has been arduous, but I’m glad for that – this is a company that cares about their image and demands top-quality writing from their freelancers, so if I make it through I’ll feel confident that I’ve joined a team of creative, dedicated and hard-working writers. They’re not just handing me the job on a silver platter but making me earn it, and that’s great. Well, it’s only great if I get it, but still. I’ve also applied for a couple of other gigs, one of which pays quite well and would allow me to tap into my love for Portland, so fingers crossed.

In addition, I decided to go for broke and start e-mailing queries to every last agent in my guidebook yesterday. My novel is my baby and I feel like I’ve been neglecting her. Well, no longer. I sent out 32 in a single day. One agent already responded with some pretty helpful feedback which, unfortunately, would mean making some changes to the first chapter or two. I haven’t decided if I’m going to do this yet or which angle to take, but it’s food for thought. My dream has always been to become a published author.

A published, used clothing-wearing author, apparently.

Please Don’t Buy Me a Star

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Last year, I subscribed to Groupon because I’d heard people talking about the really good deals you could find on there. I have to admit, there are some real bargains; I’ve purchased a couple of restaurant Groupons myself. But there are some real head-scratchers, too. Take yesterday’s Daily Deal for Portland: for $29 you can dedicate a star to somebody and name it after them (a $79 value, so you’re saving 63%). Just between you and me, I think this whole star-naming thing is a scam. Because really, is the International Astronomical Union going to refer to PSR J1302-6350 as “Sally Snugglepuss” if somebody coughs up the dough for those naming rights? I highly doubt it. It’s a romantic idea in theory, but when you get right down to brass tacks, not so much. You are basically comparing your loved one to a hot ball of gas, right? One whose midsection will keep expanding the older it gets until one day it explodes, raining fiery death down upon anybody unfortunate enough to be close by.

Oh, baby. How sweet of you.

Besides, how does a company “own” a star in the first place? That’d be like me selling individual grains of sand on a public beach. (Hmm…). Plus, there is more than one star-naming registry out there. How do we know that Sally’s star doesn’t already “belong” to Herbert in Idaho Falls or Trudy in Tallahassee? I can see fistfights breaking out over celestial property rights.

Naming Stars

"Look, honey - I picked that one out just for you!" (Courtesy of liveinternet.ru).

I don’t want a star named after me, even if the intentions are good. Because with my luck, that star would be home to some advanced alien race who decides to invade earth one day, and when they land, if the star charts show I’m the owner, those bug-eyed green monsters are going to come a-knockin’ on my door, just you watch. And they won’t be delivering a package.

So, if anybody is thinking about doing this for me, kind gesture aside – thanksbutnothanks. (I will, however, gladly take an iPad if you are still in a “giving” mood).

Hey, speaking of Groupon…

I love reading their daily deals. They are chock full of the wittiest prose this side of Orion’s belt (in keeping with the celestial theme). Their ads are creative, clever, and rely on bizarre imagery and wacky, unexpected metaphors to drive the point home. I daresay, they entertain, which is why I look forward to seeing them land in my In Box every morning. And also why, a few months ago, I had a conversation with my girlfriend regarding Groupon. “I’d love to write for them,” I said. “Their sense of humor is just like mine.”

So, when I opened a Groupon e-mail in the beginning of January and saw an ad for Freelance Writers, I eagerly clicked on the link. The application process involved writing a sample article for a sea kayak company in Georgia, submitting a cover letter and resume, and then waiting to hear back while they sifted through hundreds of applicants. I had nearly given up hope – after all, four weeks had gone by with nary a word – but I would occasionally check on the status of my application and as long as it read “In process” I figured I had a chance. Then, last Friday, I finally heard back from one of the Groupon editors. His e-mail was encouraging. I read your sample carefully and found a lot to like about it, and a number of elements that I think we can build on. I’d like to talk to you further about the humor and mechanics you displayed in your writeup, and how we can work together to make it adhere more closely to the Groupon voice.

Whoo-hoo! He set up a phone interview for yesterday afternoon, leaving me cautiously optimistic. We chatted for a few minutes about my freelance writing experience, how I came across the ad, and why I decided to apply. Then he critiqued my sample literally word for word, which was a bit humbling, but he was very positive about my writing. Said I “made an assertion and then delivered a classic 1-2-3 punch” in my opening paragraph while maintaining the trademark Groupon “absurdist, offbeat humor.” He told me I had a firm grasp of the mechanics of their writing style and had clearly given thought to the structure and voice they aim for. My sample wasn’t perfect – he warned me to avoid hyperbole and let the jokes come out of the humor rather than vice-versa – but overall he was pleased enough to invite me to continue through the application process. Which is rather stringent. I’ll have to prove myself through three additional sample articles, continuing to demonstrate the qualities and characteristics they are looking for while showing growth, and then they will make a decision. So it’s by no means a done deal, and I hope I’m not jinxing my chances by writing about it here, but I feel pretty confident in my abilities and will give these samples (for which they are paying me, so it’s a win-win no matter what happens) my complete focus. The first one is due by Friday morning, but I hope to have it back to them by the end of the day.

This is very exciting to me, because it’s the big freelance opportunity I have been waiting for – a chance to show off my creative skills for a well-known and fast-growing company who will pay me a much better per-article price than I’m earning anywhere else. Groupon freelancers can choose to write between ten and twenty articles a week, and he said each one takes the average writer about an hour to complete (pretty much the same amount of time I’m spending on my other articles). He asked what I thought my commitment would be, and I told him I’d be comfortable doing a full load of twenty. That’s a twenty-hour workweek, which gives me another twenty hours (if I’m thinking in terms of a “traditional” 8-5 job) to work on other projects. The Groupon gig alone would net me more than I’m earning through unemployment, so I would officially stop filing claims and wouldn’t have to worry about meeting Washington’s three-job-contacts-a-week requirement. Add in additional income from my other gigs, and suddenly I am earning the same amount I was from my last job at KNA, but doing it on my own terms and in the comfort of my own home.

Again, not counting my chickens before they’re hatched, but I can’t help feeling a little bit optimistic these days. Things seem to be looking up. While the company I interviewed with last week hasn’t called me back – thanks again, universe! – I did win my battle against the state and am free to work in self-employment and still earn benefits.

I’m just hoping I won’t need to do that much longer.

Running A Murraython

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The good news? I don’t have to worry about freelance writing screwing around with my unemployment benefits. After checking into this with the Washington unemployment office, I learned the state simply deducts the difference from what I’m earning part-time from my weekly checks. In fact, there’s a rather complicated formula/chart wherein they take a percentage and multiply it by another factor and…well, the bottom line is, I might actually come out slightly ahead. Plus, the benefits last longer this way; I’m drawing from a pool of money available to me, so the less I take out every week, the longer I can collect. No wonder the state actually encourages this sort of work!

The bad news? I’ve been accused of extraneous comma splicing.

Don’t feel bad if you have no idea what “comma splicing” is. I’m a writer, but I’d never heard the term before, either. When my new “boss” read my first article yesterday she gave me great feedback, but told me to clean up my comma splices. The first thing I did? Hit up Wikipedia to find out what the hell she was talking about. It was there that I learned I was guilty of using commas to join two independent clauses without connecting them with a conjunction, semicolon, or period/stop.

Oopsie.

I’ll be the first to admit I’ve never met a comma I didn’t love. I can’t help it, they’re sleek and stylish and fun. (See what I did just now? I comma spliced. Shame on me).

Seriously, though, I learned something new thanks to these guys, and I’m grateful for any tips I can get to improve my writing. The fact that they know (and care) about relatively minor grammatical rules makes me respect them more. They are looking for quality writing for their websites, and making sure their team of Content Writers (I still love that title!) adheres to proper English.

So, I’m definitely keeping busy with the writing. I’ve got seven articles due by Sunday. I’ve also been asked to copy edit some upcoming book reviews at a dollar a pop, and to pen a How To Write A Book Review article for $50. Little by little, I’m making money off this little venture I’ve got going, and that’s pretty exciting. I just need to figure out how to keep my head above water long enough to parlay all this experience I’m gaining into something really big. And I believe I will. You know, sometimes I think, thank God I got laid off. It’s forced me to follow my dream.

In the meantime, I need to work harder at getting my novel published. There are still plenty of agents left to query. I can’t let that languish; I believe in it too much. If I run out of options, I’ve decided to self-publish it. I’m sure I can drum up enough interest to be able to sell a decent number of copies. Self-publishing has always felt like a last resort to me, but there’s growing acceptance for it these days, so I’m not afraid to go that route if I have to.

But enough about “work”…

(I’m also quite fond of the ellipsis, by the way).

Bill Murray as John Winger in Stripes. Just one of his many modern classics! (Image courtesy of unrealitymag.com)

Have I talked about my obsession with Bill Murray? It’s not unhealthy or anything…I just think he’s a god. Or, at the very least, a comic genius. Here’s the thing about Bill Murray: he only needs to look at the camera a certain way, and you crack up. There’s something about his expressions…or maybe he’s just got a goofy face? (I say that endearingly. Remember, I love the man. In a manly sort of man’s way). He’s got a great, deadpan delivery (even unscripted…nobody can ad-lib like Bill Murray). He was brilliant on Saturday Night Live, and one of those rare actors who made a successful transition from that show to a “real” movie career (sorry, Dana Carvey, wherever you are).

I’ve always enjoyed his work, and his surprise cameo in Zombieland rekindled my interest in his earlier films. So I decided to take advantage of my Netflix account and partake in a Bill Murray marathon. I’ve dubbed it a “Murraython.” I have already worked my way through Meatballs and Caddyshack and Stripes. Now, I’ve seen these movies before, but it’s been years. I’ve enjoyed watching them again – I consider them all classics. Next up is Quick Change, a film I have not yet seen. Also lined up in my queue (or on my DVD shelf already) are Scrooged, Ghostbusters, Tootsie, Rushmore, Mad Dog And Glory, What About Bob, Groundhog Day, and Lost In Translation. The only thing better than back-to-back-to-back Bill Murray movies is back-to-back-to-back-to-back Bill Murray movies.

I’m skipping Garfield: A Tale Of Two Kitties, however. For one thing, I’m older than six. Plus, I’ve heard it’s purr-fectly dreadful.

(I also really dig bad puns).

Even the great Bill Murray can’t rescue that film from the proverbial litter box.

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Hope I Get Old Before I Die

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My hard work spent studying assisted living facilities paid off. They liked my sample article enough to welcome me aboard as an official Contract Writer! I will be assigned seven articles per week. If I feel comfortable enough to write more, I can increase that number to 14. Or 49. Or anything in increments of 7. My income potential is directly related to my work output; the more I write, the more money I’ll make. So this is what it’s like to be accountable to yourself! I have to say, I already like being my own boss.

But.

(Of course there is one).

As I’ve mentioned, the pay is pretty low. I certainly don’t feel like I’m suddenly “employed.” I could never survive off of what I’ll be making from these articles. Rather, it’s a foot in the door. I have landed my first official client – and that’s a pretty giddy feeling – but now I have to find a few more. Then, maybe I can think about supporting myself from my writing. In the meantime, the search for a “real” job continues. I have to, in order to keep the unemployment checks rolling in, and that is another issue on my plate. I need to know how freelancing will affect my unemployment benefits. Obviously, I’m assuming the small amount I’ll earn from my weekly articles will be deducted from my checks, and as long as that’s the case, I’ll be happy. (I mean, of course, if I didn’t have to report the income, I’d be even happier, but this company is legitimate and I have to fill out a W2 and everything. Too bad! Not that I’m trying to defraud the government or anything, of course). My only fear is that the state of Washington will say, “hey – you’ve got a job now!” and stop paying me. I don’t think that will be the case, based on my internet research, but every state is different and you just never know. I tried calling them, but got a recorded message stating that due to high call volume they weren’t accepting any more calls at this time (what?!) and was then hung up on. By a robot. Sheesh…story of my life! So I sent them an e-mail instead, asking them my question. I can expect to receive a response “in a few business days.” Good Lord.

So, I’ll hold off on any official celebrating until I hear back. No matter what, though, I’m already proud of myself. Lots of unemployed people sit around and languish while waiting for opportunity to come knocking. At least I am trying to be proactive, and I know now that I can earn money from my writing; it’s just a question of how much and how soon. I feel confident enough that I can eventually become self-supporting – I just need to make that happen before I end up in line at the nearest soup kitchen (although, if it’s clam chowder night, I can wait a little longer). In the meantime, I’ve applied for a couple more freelancing positions. One is good, a few more would be great. We’ll see.

I’ve gotta say, though, after researching assisted living facilities for my sample article, I’m actually a little jealous of the people who end up there.

Crazy talk? Hardly! My parents had a couple of brochures from local places when they were trying to get my grandmother to move out this way, and lent them to me for my research. Flipping through the pages, you’d think you were looking at an advertisement for the Ritz-Carlton or something. Both brochures were laden with pictures of smiling, happy seniors living the good life! The men all had perfectly coiffed, full heads of silver hair, while the women were dressed to the nines and bedecked with exquisite-looking jewelry. Everybody was smiling, and their teeth were perfectly straight and pearly white. There was nary a liver spot or bald head to be seen; no wrinkles or dentures or walkers in sight. There were pictures of couples dining by candlelight or dancing in front of a fireplace or gardening together. Even the single people looked to be having the time of their lives – there was a woman painting on an easel on the grassy front yard; a man fishing for trout in a bubbling brook; a woman relaxing on a hammock with an open book; a man holding his grandson by the arms, joyfully lifting him off the ground. There were people golfing and swimming and sketching in notebooks and looking like they were having the absolute time of their lives. I have never seen so many smiles before.

Tell me they aren't having the time of their lives! (Image courtesy of senior-fun.com)

Then there’s the amenities. Social and recreational activities aplenty. Housekeeping and laundry services. Free transportation. And the food – oh, the food! Three glorious meals a day, prepared by skilled chefs. A sample menu had been tucked into one of the brochures. What were the lucky residents dining on that particular week? Dishes like Northwest Hazelnut Chicken with sweet potatoes and green beans; Pot Roast with a vegetable medley; Carolina Pulled Pork with basil orzo pasta and corn; Chicken Waldorf Salad; and – wonder of wonders! – Prime Rib Roast with an asparagus and wild mushroom risotto. And to think that somebody else is there to clean up after them, too!

Lucky seniors. See why I’m jealous? They are living the dream! Why, I’d trade in this ol’ condominium for an assisted living center tomorrow if I could! No, scratch that. It’s not soon enough. I’d do it today!

You know that song by The Who, My Generation? That’s the one with the infamous refrain that goes, “hope I die before I get old.” With all due respect to Roger Daltrey and company, I think they got that backwards.

Me? I hope I get old before I die.

‘Cause I can’t wait to call an assisted living facility home…